Asking for a Pregnant Friend by Bailey Gaddis

Author:Bailey Gaddis
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: New World Library
Published: 2021-05-02T00:00:00+00:00

While these new relationships will likely be easier to maintain and should absolutely be nurtured and enjoyed, you should still use the suggestions above to hold on to at least a few of your pre-parenthood friends. Those are the folks you probably feel most comfortable being your unfiltered self around, which is a dynamic that can feel like gold as you navigate the unsure footing of early motherhood.

67. My partner seems resentful of my relationship with our baby. I don’t want my romantic relationship to suffer, but I also think my partner should understand how important it is for me to bond with our baby. What should I do?

“I laughed at him when he told me he was jealous of my connection with the baby,” Madison said. “I seriously thought he was joking. I had blood leaking out of the pad attached to my disposable underwear, our baby was latched on to one nipple, and milk was leaking out the other. When I realized he wasn’t joking, I yelled at him. I was so mad. Then he started crying, and I walked away.” Madison, a past doula client, called me the day after this went down with her husband. Insulted by how he was feeling, she got a little pissed when I suggested we try to see things from his side. I don’t blame her; I would’ve also been miffed if someone tried to make me see my husband’s point of view if he even insinuated that anything was hard for him when our son was a newborn. However, staying in the space of anger and defensiveness only blocks us from strengthening our relationship with the person who’s supposed to be our biggest supporter in early parenthood.

This is such a tricky situation because many of the emotions being triggered in you and your partner are likely coming from subconscious programming. For example, your partner’s inbuilt fears of abandonment or inadequacy could be sparked when you begin to devote time to baby that used to be reserved for them. And then there’s your emotions: if the primal instinct to care for your infant feels threatened, you could easily lose empathy for your partner’s emotions.

In addition to those subconscious responses, the resentment your partner feels about your relationship with baby could stem from circumstances that developed during pregnancy. For example, your partner probably wasn’t able to experience the same level of connection you might have fostered with the baby when pregnant — and that might have been hard on them. And now you’re nine months ahead of them when it comes to bonding with the baby. In addition, if you decide to breastfeed, there’s another significant bonding activity your partner can’t participate in. It’s understandable that they might feel left out. But of course, you’ve done nothing wrong by growing your child and choosing to breastfeed. Like I said, it’s tricky.

Both of you might find it near impossible to fully understand where the other is coming from, as each person’s point of view will feel so completely “right” to them.

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